


How To Remember The Worst

by 4Jean_Drake7



Series: The Crank Palace [5]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Bisexual Thomas (Maze Runner), Crank Newt (Maze Runner), Cranks (Maze Runner), Depressed Thomas (Maze Runner), Gay Newt (Maze Runner), Hurt Thomas (Maze Runner), Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Disintegration, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, WICKED | WCKD is Not Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29526522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Jean_Drake7/pseuds/4Jean_Drake7
Summary: Disclaimer: Part 5 of my How To... series. Please read The Crank Palace (written by James Dashner) and the other 4 parts in order before reading this.His nightmares have returned.Thomas hasn't had them in a while, ever since he's been reunited with Newt, but now his unconscious fear of losing the blond has bonded with his dreams, and it's plaguing his sleep.His grip on reality is slipping again, and Newt is the only one who can anchor him.
Relationships: Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Series: The Crank Palace [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092518
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [devilstongueknot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilstongueknot/gifts), [valfromrome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/valfromrome/gifts).



> Y'all better pull out those tissues again because the chapter is starting with the worst chapter of our lives.
> 
> Chapter 50-shucking-5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter (part 2) won't be released until after Friday, because that's the day of my Driving Exam. 
> 
> Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy...
> 
> *sobs internally*
> 
> Please don't hate me after this chapter, I really tried.

_Newt looked horrible._

_His hair had been torn out in patches, leaving bald spots that were nothing more than red welts. Dried blood was splattered across his face and arms, as if someone had traced their fingers with red paint on his delicate body._

_Scratches_ _and bruises covered his face as well. His white shirt had been ripped to shreds, barely hanging on his thin frame, covered in mud. His pants were filthy with grime and more dried blood. It was like he'd finally given in to the Cranks, joined their ranks at last._

_He stared at Thomas with an emotionless face, as if he was trying to remember who Thomas was._

_Thomas could feel his heart pounding in his chest like a gong, repeatedly being attacked by the small mallets that were capable of great sound. The noise from the chaos in the background had gone deaf to his ears, and all Thomas could focus on was his best friend._

_His love._

_Lawrence had been talking, but Thomas only now processed words._

_"We're okay. She's shot to hell, but hopefully she'll get us another couple of miles to the hangar."_

_Lawrence shifted into reverse, and the van wobbled away from the cement wall. The crunch of broken plastic and metal mixed with the sounds of broken glass and the squeal of tires, intruding the silence that had fallen over them. When he started to drive off, Thomas had realized they were about to leave._

_Forever._

_There won't be a chance to come back here. Everything will be destroyed if their plan succeeds, and Thomas can't risk the chance that he will never see Newt again._

_He loved him too much to let Newt slip from his grasp this time._

_"Stop!" he yelled. "Stop the van! Now!"_

_"What?" Lawrence cried out. "What are you talking about, kid?"_

_"Just stop the freaking van already!" Thomas begged, tears springing to his eyes._

_Lawrence slammed on the brakes as Thomas scrambled to his feet and headed for the door. He started to open it when Lawrence managed to grab his shirt from behind and yanked him backwards, knocking the wind out of Thomas's lungs._

_"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the man yelled at him._

_Thomas was determined to get to Newt. Nothing will stop him now, he wouldn't let it. He's too close this time to getting away with the person he loves most in this ballistic world, and he's not going to let Lawrence, or anyone else take that away from him._

_He yanked the gun out of the holster on his thigh and pointed it at Lawrence. "Let go of me. Let go of me!"_

_Lawrence did, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. "Woah, kid. Calm down! What is wrong with you?"_

_Thomas started to back away from him. "I saw him. I saw-" Thomas paused, wondering if he should really be admitting his feelings for Newt to Lawrence, whom he now held at gunpoint. "I saw my friend out there. He means everything to me, I just want to make sure he's okay." And also take him with them, but Thomas wasn't about to admit that. "If any trouble starts, I'll run back to the van. Just be ready to get us out of here when I do. Okay?"_

_The brunette didn't give Lawrence a chance to reply. He dashed out of the vehicle, trying to ignore the man screaming after him._

_"You think that's still your friend?" Lawrence asked coldly. "Those Cranks are way past the Gone. Can't you see that? Your friend is nothing but an animal now!_ Worse _than an animal."_

_Thomas ignored him. Ignored the way tears were slowly slipping down his dirty cheeks, ignored the pain in his legs as he reached Newt, ignored the drop of his heart as he studied the love of his life._

_Newt had a certain wild gleam in both of his eyes that weren't usually there. Madness lurked behind them, two festering pools of sickness._

_How?_

_How could it have happened so quickly?_

_How did it happen to Newt of all people?_

_How could he have let this happen?_

_How did it all go so wrong, so fast?_

_"Hey, Newt. It's me, Thomas. You still remember me, right?"_

_Thomas held his breath as he examined Newt, watching as the sudden clarity filled his sparkling brown orbs, almost forcing the air out of the brunette's lungs as he took a step back in surprise._

_"I bloody remember you, Tommy. You just came to see me at the palace, rubbed it in my face that you ignored my note. I can't go completely crazy in a few days."_

_Those words hurt Thomas's heart even more than the pitiful sight of his lover. He ignored the note because he loved Newt, because he can't live without him. If Thomas killed him, he would probably kill himself. He can't imagine living without Newt. It was impossible to even think about._

_"Then why are you here? Why are you with... them?"_

_Newt glanced back at the Cranks, then back at Thomas. The wildness in his eyes had died down, and his face relaxed from its hard stare. And for a brief moment, Newt looked like the Newt Thomas had fallen in love with._

_The Newt that wouldn't grow tired of Thomas's curiosity, the Newt that had helped support him after Chuck's death, the Newt that helped glue his broken pieces together._

_The Newt that had always been at his side, no matter what._

_"It comes and goes. I can't explain it. Sometimes I can't control myself, barely know what I'm doing. But usually it's just like an itch in my brain, throwing everything off-kilter just enough to bother me, make me more angry."_

_A buzzing in Thomas's bones had started to tickle his skin, and he grew numb to the world around him, his attention pulled to Newt, and Newt only._

_"You seem fine right now."_

_"Yeah, well. The only reason I'm with these wackers from the Palace is because I don't know what else to do. They're fighting, but they're also a group. You find yourself alone, you don't have a bloody chance."_

_A wave of cold water doused Thomas's body from head to toe. Newt stared at Thomas with a questioning glare. The buzzing had reached the brunette's ears, and everything suddenly sounded disoriented._

"Thomas."

_He couldn't explain why, but he had ignored the echoing name in his head and forced the next words to escape his mouth._

_"Newt, come with me this time. Right now. We can take you somewhere safer, somewhere better to..."_

_Newt laughed, and when he did his head twitched strangely a couple of times. His fingers jerked in small motions at his side, his skin pale and dirty._

_"Get out of here, Tommy. Get away."_

_"Just come with me," Thomas begged, taking a step closer to Newt, who only flinched at his actions. "I'll tie you up if it makes you feel better. Just please, come with me."_

_Newt's face suddenly hardened into anger, and his words shot out in a rage. "Just shut up. Shut up, you shuck traitor! Didn't you read my note? You can't do one last, lousy thing for me? Gotta be the hero, like always? I hate you! I've always hated you!"_

"Tommy! Tommy, wake up!"

_Thomas repeated the same words in his head over and over again. 'He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.' He repeated it like a mantra, until it was the only thing he could hear. It blocked out the next words that came from reality, blurred them together and pushed them away._

_"Newt..."_

_"It was all your fault! You could've stopped them when the first Creators died. You could've figured out a way. But no! You had to keep it going, try to save the world, be the hero. And you came to the Maze and never stopped. All you care about is yourself! Admit it! Gotta be the one people remember, the one people worship! We should've thrown you down the Box hole!"_

_His heart stopped._

_He could feel it skip a few beats, the blood draining from his body, leaving him an empty corpse, his soul trapped inside his body. The buzz in his bones started to vibrate his entire body, shaking his core and rattling his entire being._

"TOMMY!"

_Newt's face had colored to a deep red, and spit flew from his mouth as he yelled. He started charging forward to Thomas, hands clenched into fists._

_"I'm gonna shoot him! Get out of the way!" Lawrence yelled from the van._

_Thomas turned towards Lawrence, his body feeling like slush. "Don't! It's just me and him!" He faced Newt again. "Newt, stop. Just listen to me. i know you're still there, somewhere. Just hear me out."_

_"I hate you Tommy!" He was only a few feet away and Thomas took a step backward, his hurt over Newt turning to fear. He could feel his pulse beat against his chest wildly, pumping blood back into his body. "I hate you! I hate you I hate you, I hate you! After all I did for you, after all the freaking klunk I went through in the bloody Maze, you can't do the one and only thing I've ever asked you to do! I can't even look at your ugly shuck face!"_

_Thomas took two more steps back, a sudden energy flowing through his body, lightning tickling the hairs on his skin. "Newt, you need to stop. They're going to shoot you. Just stop and listen to me! Get in the van, let me tie you up. Give me a chance to make things right again! Please!"_

_He couldn't kill his best friend._

_He couldn't shoot the one person in the world that made his heart race, blood rush to his cheeks to color them pink, and made him want to fix the world, just for him._

_Newt screamed and rushed forward. An arc of Launcher lightning shot from the van, skidding and crackling across the pavement, but it missed the blond by a few feet. Thomas had frozen in place, and Newt tackled him to the murky pavement, knocking the breath out of him. He struggled to fill his lungs as his best friend climbed on top of him, pinning him down._

_Everything was spinning in Thomas's vision, and for a moment he wasn't in that dirty place anymore, rather back at the Safe Haven. Newt was hovered over his face, a worried expression clear to anyone miles away covered his facial features. And he was crying. His jaw was trembling uncontrollably, his dark brown eyes looking as black as the night sky, glossed over in water._

"Wake up, please!"

_And then the vision faded out, replacing it with a Crank._

_"I should rip your eyes out," Newt said, spraying Thomas with spit, venom lacing his toxicated words. "Teach you a lesson in stupidity. Why'd you come over here? You expected a bloody hug? Huh? A nice sit-down to talk about the good old times in the Glade?"_

_Thomas shook his head, gripped by terror, very slowly reaching for his gun with his free hand. His vision was blurring together in the sides, and he could have sworn that someone was screaming at him. It sounded very faint, very far off, so he brushed it off as an illusion._

_Because this was reality, wasn't it? This is the lowest moment in his life. His crazed lover, screaming hateful words at him, begging him, pleading him to kill him. This is what he deserved. He deserved to relive this moment for the rest of his life, because he put them all in this position in the first place._

_He deserved it._

_He's been dreaming. Every moment with Newt, after this time, it had all been a dream. It wasn't true. Those small little kisses on the cheek, the smiles meant for him, the reassuring hand squeezes, all the little things, all the big things, had only been a trick on him. A sick trick his brain had laid out for just him to experience._

_"You wanna know why I have this limp, Tommy? Did I ever tell you? No, I don't think I did."_

_Remorse took over Newt. His hands were shaking, even though they were balled up around Thomas's shirt, tears were flowing down his pink cheeks, and his body was trembling with a mix of anger, pain, and sadness._

_Thomas never wanted to see Newt look like that ever again, but this is another way the world had decided to torture him._

_Oh, what had he done to the world to make it so mad at him?_

_"What happened?" Thomas asked, stalling for time. He slipped his fingers around the weapon, lightly brushing them over the trigger, which caused his throat to close up and his heart to stop beating for another moment._

_"I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade right before the doors closed. I hated the place, Tommy. I hated every second of every day." Now the blonde was shaking with anger, his face growing red, and his fists turning white. "And it was all... your... fault!"_

_Thomas wanted to scream. He wanted to cry, break down into sobs and let his barriers down, tear down all the walls he built to try and prevent his heart from shattering._

_Newt suddenly twisted around and grabbed Thomas by the hand holding the gun. He yanked it toward himself, forcing it up until the end of the pistol was pressed against his own forehead. "Now make amends! Kill me before I become one of those cannibal monsters! Kill me! I trusted you with the note! No one else. Now do it!"_

_Thomas tried to pull his hand away, but Newt was too strong. Whimpers escaped his mouth, but Newt glared at him with an intensity of a thousand suns. "I can't, Newt, I can't."_

_Thomas silently begged Newt to stop. The chanting in his head had changed to the singular word, a silent plea for his love to put the gun down, to stop asking this of him. Thomas knows that he will truly break if he has to watch it happen._

_"Make amends! Repent for what you did!" The words tore out of him, his whole body trembling even more. His voice suddenly dropped to an urgent, harsh whisper, sharp enough to cut through the brisk wind. "Kill me, you shuck coward. Prove you can do the right thing. Put me out of my misery."_

_The words horrified Thomas, causing him to still._

_Do the right thing?_

_This is definitely NOT the right thing. It just can't be._

_"Newt, maybe we can-"_

_"Shut up! Just shut up! I trusted you, now do it!"_

_"I can't."_

_"Do it!"_

_"I can't!" How could Newt ever ask him to do something like this? How could he possibly kill the love of his life, the person that meant the most to him, the sun on his brightest and darkest days?_

_"Kill me, or I kill you. Kill me! Do it!"_

_"Newt..." Thomas whispered, his strength disappearing, leaving his body once again. His muscles turned to sludge, his bones turning to dust. He wanted the torture to end. The pain to cease._

_"Do it before I become one of them!"_

_"I..." can't. Not now, not ever. Thomas had wanted to say. But his mouth had refused to move anymore, and the trembling pain in his body had just tripled in size. He felt on the verge of collapsing._

_"KILL ME!" And then Newt's eyes cleared, as if he'd gained one last trembling gasp of sanity, and his voice softened. "Please, Tommy. Please."_

"PLEASE!"

_With his heart falling into the black abyss, Thomas pulled the trigger._

_And everything turned to nothing._

* * *

Newt was crying into Keisha's arms as they waited outside of the medical hut.

His grip on her shoulders made her wince slightly, but she tried to suppress it so he didn't recoil. Keisha had only been in the Safe Haven for a few days now, still waiting for the family's trial. They offered them a hut towards the end of their building grounds, and Keisha didn't refuse the offer.

When she had heard someone calling for her a while ago, she had thought it was one of the younger kids asking her to make them another flower crown, like the ones she had taught the children to make only yesterday. 

Instead she was met with a terrible sight. 

Newt's entire body was visibly shaking, his head drooped down and his hands muffling the painful cries that escaped his throat. His blonde hair was matted to the top of his head from probably sweat, and his fingers were white.

When she asked him what was wrong, he rushed into her waiting arms, clinging to her shirt and pulling her in a very tight hug. In the few seconds she saw his face, it broke her heart. His eyes were closed and spilling crystal tears, his cheeks were red and his nose was running.

But he looked so broken.

Keisha immediately ordered her brother to watch over Dante, who had been placed in a wooden crib one of the builders had generously made, and Jackie before taking Newt outside of the hut.

When Newt tried to speak to her, his voice cracked and sounded dry, as if he had been scratching it raw with straw. "He- he wouldn't stop. Shaking. Crying. Screaming. Muttering."

Keisha knew that he was talking about Thomas. He was the only person Newt had ever looked so torn up about, so it wasn't hard to piece everything together. 

"Okay, it's gonna be okay. Is he in the medical hut?"

Newt nodded into her shoulder, another muffled sob escaping his lips. Keisha patted his back, before pulling him away so she could walk over to the medical hut, Newt hot on her heels. She could hear Newt sniffle every few seconds, and she couldn't begin to imagine what pain he was going through.

From what she had heard, they had a tough life in the Maze. Probably worse than all her imagination could muster. And then there was the fact that he had died from a bullet to the head.

Shot by Thomas himself.

And by some miracle he had come back, and if that wasn't traumatizing enough, now he was dealing with this.

Whatever this is.

As the duo reached the medical hut, Keisha could hear people shout orders at each other. Probably the doctors, or med-jacks, as Newt liked to call them.

In the open window, Keisha could see three doctors fussing over Thomas, who laid on the mattress, as pale as the white sheet that hung as the door to her own hut. He had an aura of sickness around him, and she had the urge to look away. Bags hung under his eyes, small, but still present. His cheeks had lost their normal pink, and his brown hair looked almost black in comparison to his skin. 

Behind her, Newt broke down all over again. Keisha quickly turned to comfort the boy, bringing him in for a tight hug, and slowly lowering them to the ground, that way she wouldn't have to release him yet again to relieve him of the sight.

"Keisha-" Newt whispered, tears quickly soaking part of her shirt.

"I know, Newt. I know. It's gonna be okay. Thomas is going to be okay. Because if there's one thing I learned about him, is that he will never give up on you. So you can't give up on him, okay?"

Newt only nodded, choking on another strangled sob. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh feel free to scream at me in the comments.  
> I hate myself for doing this :')
> 
> But it really needed to be done. Thomas is obviously going to be scared that everything he's experienced is only a dream, and of course his brain is going to go on overdrive because of it and decide to shut down.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas has spent a long time away from Newt, searching for a way back to him.
> 
> Now it's Newt's turn to try and find Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I first planned this out, everything was not supposed to be angsty.
> 
> And, okay, there's like one angst scene, but it's really hard to read, or even shucking write, if you love Newt as much as I do.
> 
> I hope you all have tissues.
> 
> (Also, mentions of sex. They do it, I just hate writing it. Do not expect me to.)

_Giggling brought him into another memory._

_"Tommy, stop." Newt complained as Thomas continued to give him feathery kisses on the back of his neck, which just so happened to be his most ticklish spot._

_Instead of complying, Thomas continued, running his hands slowly up and down the blond's torso, as if he were in a trance._

_Nothing made sense to Thomas in this moment. He didn't know why he was able to kiss the boy he loved like this, why he wouldn't stop, when all he could remember was reeling his emotions in so he wouldn't do this._

_But here he was, kissing the blond in an unknown location, tracing swirls with his clipped fingertips._

_Newt giggled a little more, before he decided he had enough, and he turned over to face Thomas completely. Thomas almost gasped in surprise._

_On his lap sat a much younger Newt than he remembered. His shoulder length hair was way shorter, only grazing the tips of his ears, and instead was much more grown on the top. His yellow hair curled to one side, but even then bounced whenever he blinked._

_This is not the Newt that Thomas remembers. This Newt was blushing shyly, trying to avert_ _his gaze, which only ended up back on him anyways. The stone cold expression he usually wears as a mask wasn't even visible on his freckled cheeks or in his light brown eyes._

_"I love you." Thomas said suddenly, causing the younger Newt to blink at him, confusion and shock written all over his face._

_For a moment everything was silent, until a small, sheepish grin spread like a wildfire on the brit's face. Stars were reflecting in his eyes, and if Thomas looked close enough, he could see them forming hearts._

_"You do?" Newt asked, suddenly looking timid and small. Thomas felt the ache in his chest to protect the young boy sitting in front of him expand, consuming his entire being._

_"I do. I love you so much, Newt. I-"_

_"I love you too Tommy. More than you could ever imagine."_

* * *

Thomas woke with a headache. 

His first reaction was to clench his head in his hands and wish it would go away.

Unfortunately, the weight on his left arm stopped him from doing so. When Thomas glanced to see what was weighing it down, his eyes caught sight of the mix of blond hair and shining wires that punctured his skin. 

A quiet gasp escaped his lips as he caught the sight. 

Newt was laying on the mattress, head being supported by his own hands and Thomas's left hand. His head was laying at the perfect angle for Thomas to catch sight of the heavy bags under his eyes, and the overall exhausted look on his face, even though he was sleeping.

How long had he been out?

Thomas looked up to the doorway when he heard a blanket rustle. Keisha stepped in, and stopped after seeing Thomas sitting up in the bed, wide awake. 

She blinked, clearly not believing her own eyes, and then a soft smile spread it's way, her warm eyes gleaming with delight.

"You woke up." She stated simply, not daring to move an inch from her spot.

Thomas gulped. "Yeah. How... How longs was I out?"

Keisha's eyes hardened. "Twelve days."

Reality hit Thomas square in the chest, suddenly making it hard for him to breathe. "What?"

The woman glanced at Newt, her soft look returning. "He wouldn't leave your side the entire time. The doctors have had to shove food down his throat to keep him alive."

Guilt creeped up behind the brunette, slowly clawing its way into his chest as he looked down at the boy he loved. His hands started to shake slightly, vibrating at intense rates. 

"But- why... how, I mean-" Thomas struggled to find the words. Emotions filled his lungs and clouded his vision, everything becoming hazy. 

Why would he do that to himself?

Why would he risk his own health just to be by his side every waking moment?

How was it possible for someone to love him like this?

What was Newt thinking?

"Thomas," Keisha called out, bringing his attention back to her. Her kind hearted gaze suited her well. Intense brown eyes sagging ever so slightly, stress lines in her forehead almost invisible, lips curled into the shadow of a smile, face looking so relaxed. 

He's seen Newt like this before. When he was able to just put away the leadership facade and let his emotions show. It tore him to bits and pieces when he thought about it. Everyone was so young. They never asked for such a ruined world. No one deserved this. 

"He really loves you. Probably more than you understand." 

The truth had never been able to send him into so much pain and so much hope at once. Not even when he thought there was a chance to save Newt. 

His heart swelled with a burning desire for the person who brightened his life. His mind raced full of loving thoughts on the blond, his lungs begging to burn only when Newt was around. 

"He's been through a lot. I don't know his story, and I don't know yours. But you two deserve each other, that much I do know. So don't let him slip through your fingers. You hear me?" Keisha pointed an accusing finger at Thomas, who set on the mattress innocently. 

"Loud and clear." 

* * *

_"Please come back to me." Newt whispered to Thomas, gently caressing his cheek with featherlight touches, ignoring the tug at his heart and the tears burning his eyes._

_Newt had never felt so hopeless in his life. Even when he was a Crank, when he was fighting for the chance to get his humanity back, he still had a small bit of hope deep in his chest that told him it would be better if he just died. There was still hope that he could die peacefully._

_But now?_

_Now he had Thomas. He finally had his Tommy, all for him. Thomas loved him back, and only days later, he was going to lose him again._

_And overwhelming pain cut into his chest, stabbing him at uneven angles with swords and knives, each one piercing a tiny section of his heart, just waiting to cut right through it._

_"I can't lose you." Newt sobbed, choking back his emotions. The fire burned in the depths of his chest, filling his smoke with lungs, burning him to the ground as the flames engulfed his mind._

_There was an uncontrollable hazard in his head. Yellow flames licking the pools of his memories he had yet to share out loud with everyone. Fiery red making him dizzy, slowly burning its way at the sides of his walls. Oranges gripped at his emotions and set them aflame, feeding into the rage and utter despair filling his senses. Blue hues circled his heart, scratching through his thin barriers._

_"You hear me? I can't lose you. You mean too much to me."_

_Newt's voice wavered, like a leaf in the wind desperate to flow in different directions. His body began to shake as he clenched his hands into fists, pert of Thomas's shirt being cuffed around them._

_Thomas laid on the bed silently, not responding._

_The blond broke._

_"FIGHT! Please, you have to fight it!" He screamed, not bothering that there were people that could hear him. It was only dinnertime after all, so everyone should be at the campfire._

_"You can't give up. I won't let you. Do you understand? I will NEVER give up on you. So don't you dare give up on me."_

_Violent sobs escaped his trembling lips as his entire body shook. Pain and unbearable sadness tore away at him bit by bit, replacing his flesh and bones with sorrow and misery._

_"Please! I need you to wake up! You can't leave me. Not again! I swear if you leave me now I will never forgive you!"_

_Someone had made their way inside the hut, grabbing Newt from behind and pulling him close, trying to calm him down as he screamed and cried._

_"Newt, calm down." The person- no, Minho- whispered._

_"Just wake up, dammit! Please!" Newt cried out, struggling to get out of Minho's tight grip. He threw his legs in the air, cried, stomped at the ground in fury, and screamed his head off._

_"Newt!" Someone else called out. But that didn't stop him._

_The blond didn't care how pathetic he looked to everyone, acting like a child._

_He couldn't care._

_Because laying on a medical mattress, as pale as a sheet, looking as dead as ever, was the love of his life._

_"You need to calm him down!" Someone yelled at Minho, who only glared at the person._

_"Don't you dare bloody leave me!"_

_Newt gave out a guttural cry of agony and pain, before he felt something puncture the side of his neck. Everything seemed to spin and turn, tilting on an axis, before he couldn't see a single thing._

_He fell into a dreamless slumber._

* * *

A soft hand running against his scalp woke Newt up.

He mumbled something incoherent under his breath as he rubbed at his baggy eyes. 

When he finally got the chance to see, his breath hitched at the sight before him.

Thomas, in all his former glory, was awake. 

His skin had it's tan back, the earthly glow surrounding him once again. His hair looked like the color of dirt, and his tiny bags were invisible now. The moles on his skin didn't look as prominent, and his freckles looked like chocolate chips in a brown sugar cookie. 

"Good morning, love." Thomas whispered, his warm tender hearted smile dancing across his lips.

Newt sobbed gleefully, a bubbling joyfulness boiling in his stomach. It was a mix of a painful sob and a happy laugh, but it was cut off promptly by Thomas's lips connecting to his own.

Tears spilled from his eyes, tears of glee. He felt his heart soar to the sky as Thomas ran a hand up his forearm, warmth spreading all the way to his bones.

"You're awake." The blond mumbled, a smile slowly blooming. 

"Yeah, I am. Wanna fill me in on everything that happened while I was out?"

Newt shook his head. "Later."

Courage flooded through his veins as Thomas pulled him up onto the bed.

* * *

Keisha walked into the hut later that day, right after people started leaving the bonfire one by one. She marched there on her own, leaving Dante with Piper, who seemed to be really good at dealing with babies.

And people in general.

What laid in store for her was not much of a pleasant sight, that she will admit. 

Clothes were all over the place, clumped in small little balls. Thankfully, none had been thrown at one of the burning candles in the room.

On the medical mattress laid Newt and Thomas, who looked like one giant pile of limbs under the blanket. 

One of Newt's feet were sticking out, as well as both of his arms. Thomas had one hand tucked behind his head, and the other tangled with the blond's hair. The brunette was using his fingers to lazily play with his boyfriends hair, twirling the long strands between his fingers. 

Keisha smiled warmly at the sight, clutching the neck of her shirt near her heart. Thomas looked up at her, his eyes very slim and drowsy. A loopy grin spread across his face.

"Hey." He whispered, his voice breaking.

"How are you feeling?" Keisha asked, taking a few gentle steps closer to the pair.

"Better." Thomas replied, before glancing down at Newt again to peck the top of his head.

Keisha crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm glad." 

Thomas hummed slightly, closing his eyes. Keisha hesitated, her questions dying at the tip of her tongue. 

After standing there, studying the two for a while, Keisha collected her nerves and looked to Thomas, who looked ready to fall asleep.

"Do you love him?" She asked, causing Thomas's eyes to snap open in surprise. 

"What?" 

"I asked you if you loved him." Keisha replied. Thomas scanned the woman in front of him, soaking in her question, before the tiniest of tugs pulled at his lips.

"With everything in my body and beyond."

* * *

_Thomas was slowly turning in a circle, dazed as he watched the Gladers discover the tattoos on each other. Curiosity pounded at the back of his skull, along with a familiar feeling. It's like his brain was itching, something threatening to push all the way to the front of his brain, ready to scream at him._

_Most of the Gladers didn't have the additional designations like Aris and Minho, just the property line._

_"Subject A-nine."_

_"A-twenty."_

_"A-seventeen."_

_Newt was going from boy to boy, looking for himself, his face set in stone, like usual. Thomas knew the facade well, he's almost never seen the blond without it. But he knew it was only a mask. He was determined to uncover what lies beneath it one day._

_The, quite by accident, the two of them stood facing each other. Thomas's eyes widened slightly at how close they were standing, his breath hitching as he felt the brit's breath on his lips. Newt's face looked shocked for a second, before he recovered and stepped back._

_Thomas felt disappointment flood over his emotions._

_"What does mine say?" Newt asked, a desperate look shimmering in his dark brown eyes._

_Thomas pulled the neckline of Newt's shirt to the side, electricity rushing up the tips of his fingertips where they touched the other boy's smooth skin. He learned to read the words etched into the other's skin, and read them aloud._

_"You're subject A-five and they called you the **Glue**."_

_Newt gave him a startled look. "The **Glue**?" _

_Thomas let go of his shirt, letting the hem itch his nail buds, and stepped back._

_"Yeah. Probably because you're the kind of glue that holds us all together. I don't know. Read mine."_

_"I already did-"_

_And Newt's mask crumbled for a moment. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, his tiny smile crumbling into a devastated look. Thomas could've sworn the other boy flinched, as if he was holding back on falling apart._

_But he also looked hesitant. Like he didn't want to tell Thomas what his tattoo said._

_"Well?" Thomas pressed, dreading the awful look on his best friend's face._

_"You're Subject A-two," Newt answered, swallowing a large lump in his throat. Then he lowered his eyes. His arms wrapped themselves around his skinny frame, comforting himself. Thomas had to hold himself back from rushing to support the blond._

_"And?" Thomas pushed, regretting it when Newt looked at him, his eyes filled with a fiery gaze that seemed to pierce their way into Thomas's heart._

_"It doesn't call you anything. It just says..." Newt looked back down to the floor, and Thomas caught sight of a tiny tear falling down his face. If he strained his ears, he could have heard the choked sob that managed to sound in his throat. "'To be killed by Group B.'"_

_Right then and there, Thomas was torn between leaving to congest his predicted fate, or stay and comfort the boy he had feelings for._

_His fear of becoming more attracted to Newt won over, and Thomas left to go try to find a quiet area to congest the information he had been told. Unfortunately, that came with the cost of his lovesick heart screaming at him to turn back and comfort Newt._

_He never did._

* * *

_"For an experiment to provide accurate results," the Rat Man explained, "one needs a control group. We did our best to keep the virus from you as long as we could. But it's airborne and highly contagious."_

_He paused, taking in everyone's gazes._

_"Just bloody get on with it," Newt said. "We all figured we had the buggin' disease anyway. You're not breaking our hearts."_

_"Yeah," Sonya added. "Cut the drama and tell us already."_

_Thomas noticed Teresa fidgeting next to him. Had she already been told something, also? He figured that she had to be immune like him- that WICKED wouldn't have chosen them for their special roles otherwise._

_Rat Man cleared his throat. "Okay, then. Most of you are immune and have helped us gather invaluable data. Only two of you are considered Candidates now, but we'll go into that later. Let's get to the list. The following people are not immune. Newt..."_

_Something like a jolt hit Thomas in the chest. He doubled over and stared at the floor. His vision spinned and blurred the blue and white tiles together, and tears sprinted to his eyes almost instantly. Out of all the names that could have been on the list, why did it have to be Newt's?_

_Why did the world hate him so much?_

_Why couldn't he just be happy for once in his life?_

_Sorrow seeped into the morrow of his bones, misery dripping off of his fingertips and flowing out of his eyes. Despair replaced his skin, and woe clutched at his heart, while gloom grasped his lungs._

_Rat Man called out a few more names, but none Thomas knew- he barely heard them over the dizzying buzz that seemed to fill his ears and fog his mind. He wasn't surprised at his own reaction, for he had long ago realized just how much Newt meant to him._

_A thought occurred to him- earlier the Rat Man had said that the control subjects were like the glue that kept the project's data together, made it all coherent and relevant._

_The Glue. That was the title given to Newt- the tattoo that was scribbled on his skin permanently, like a black scar._

_Guilt tugged at his body, and he collapsed to the floor, thoughts swarming his mind._

_"Tommy, slim yourself." Newt's voice rang in his head, but his words were instantly blurred by his delirious phantoms of terrible theories._

_What does fate have in store for him next?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to come out! As you know I had my Driver's Exam on Friday (which I passed), but then my Economics teacher decided to give me a week to make a poster that's worth 60% of my grade, and give us a test that's worth 40%, and on top of that I have two missing assignments for orchestra (I'm sorry Mrs. Tigges, I'm tryingggg. Violin is hard :'( and everyday I've had six assignments due the end of the day, which meant no contact with this story for a week)
> 
> Cri
> 
> Also I swear I never intended this to be angsty, but my mind decided to play tricks on me, and to sum it all down, my depression is worse than before, and it was already bad, so yay!!!
> 
> It may have to do with the fact that my bff whom I've never met in person just attempted suicide and now she's on watch for it, which means I won't be able to have contact with her for an entire month (or more), but I mean idk.
> 
> I'm just not doing great, so I plan to come out with a terribly angsty PJO/HOO fic to relieve some pain
> 
> :)


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